Your Quality Moments

This question. It always comes up. In every training session. In every team meeting.

“What can we do to foster more connection with each other?”

And then, almost predictably, the answer:
“Maybe stand by the coffee machine more often, like in the old days.”

You know. Back when everything was better. 

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Usually, this idea comes from the boomer. The boomer man, to be precise. And before you know it, there's a new action item: scheduling more coffee breaks. Because, well, that connection, right!

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What fascinates me: this idea rarely comes from a woman.

They usually don't need an action item for this at all.

Before they even take their first sip of coffee, they already know who had a bad night's sleep, who has a child with a fever at home, and who's “going through a tough time.”

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Then there are the men. They stand together by the coffee machine... And within 90 seconds, they're talking about solar panels. Or electric cars. Or crypto. 

Or KPIs. And if it gets really personal: gas prices.

You could honestly make a bingo card out of it.

And the conversation itself? “I think…”. “I have…”. “I do…”. “I see it this way…”

If you listen closely, you mainly hear one thing: a lot of “I”.

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The intention is good. I truly believe that. The execution... let's just say: inconsistent. To downright poor. At least, if you genuinely want to know how someone is doing. If this is the way to "connect," then I understand why people sometimes still feel not truly seen.

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Perhaps the solution isn't in the quantity of coffee breaks.

But in something that doesn't come quite as naturally. Here's my humble plea for something different, namely: Quality-YOU-moments. Moments where it's not about you. But about the other person. How are they doing? Really? Where you don't hijack and take over the conversation, but rather let it unfold. You ask follow-up questions. You listen. And you keep the focus on them. Your time will come. Really.

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Because when we talk about connection, the quality isn't in how often we talk, but in how well we truly see and hear the other person.

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So, if you're standing by the coffee machine tomorrow... Give it a try.

Don't start talking about solar panels. But just ask: "How are you doing?" And then keep quiet. See what happens. 

It also works surprisingly well at home, by the way. That's Flip's tip for now.😉

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